The First Day of April

Hello everybody!

Well, it's the first day of April. I can tell by the looks of the weather that sun may be on our way. (Well, me in Oregon). I went to the park today expecting a couple of people, but what I saw was a crowd of little kids and their parents. I nicely gave up my swing for a little girl who kept staring at me and I watched as all the little kids ran around. I remember the days when I played tagged........

Wait, I never played tag. APRIL FOOLS! (Sorry, I just had to add that in.)

School for me this year has not been how I have thought it would be. First of all, I have been lazy ever since the first week of school. My grades are near low As high Bs when I'm used to middle to high As. Yes, school gets harder but I am not trying my absolute best.

Second, I get tired way too easily. Can't concentrate....

Third,I think people despise me even more. (Especially those freshmen who stare at me like I'm some sort of hideous creature). I do not understand why people avoid me in the first place. I'm not a scary person. As I walk into the school, I lower my head in shame. I'm afraid that people will judge me. Their judgemental ways have made me feel bad about myself. Inside I am crying wishing to talk to someone who will accept me. Today in math, I felt like if I laugh others would just stare. They would stare and wonder why I would laugh.

Do I deserve to laugh at others' jokes not meant toward me? I have ears, eyes, and emotions. I can hear what they say about me. How I'm weird and don't dress "well". I can see them staring at me. I prevent the tears from coming out until after I leave the bus. My heart cries out for acceptance, but all I ever get is ignorance and glares from girls who think they are all that. The boys can't even see me.....

.....Not many people can.......

I'm just a figure, a motionless figure. I don't do anything but fill space. I sometimes think to myself, "Am I a joke to these people?" I remember a month ago I was standing in the lunch line. I was minding my own business. I realized a boy pointing a me. Their eyes all look in my direction. Usually people talk about someone past me, so I look around. They comment about how I was "hot" or whatever and started laughing. I looked away in embarrasement. A little after, I realized after they were just a bunch of immature freshmen. Though, I shouldn't be making fun of them just because they were freshmen. Last year, a trio of junior/senior boys made fun of my glasses. That moment, my friend asked me what they were saying. (She doesn't know much english). I didn't tell her....

I dislike my school, as you can tell. I'd hear about all the stuck up, rich kids who are only friends with people who were like that also. They are not all bad, but it isn't easy to avoid these people. I tell my parents, my counselors, and to anyone who is willing to talk to me that I try to treat everyone equally and not look down upon anyone. It is hard, very hard....

As of now, typing in my room, I would like to say have a good day! Other than the life of mine I told you about, I did start my Japanese class. I received a textbook yesterday and couldn't stop skimming the pages... Haha! :D

Have a great April!